mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
