i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize