Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
