rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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