Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
