I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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