Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
