i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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