He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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