Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
