he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
