just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just blew my weed a kiss
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
