Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
