Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
