Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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