i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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