Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
