my vag is so smooth its legendary
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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