some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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