if only i could text you this smell
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
foreskin is a definite game changer
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
