How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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