the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
