New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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