have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
