i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
