would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
