look no pants
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
