I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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