Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
