My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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