i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
