Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
