guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
