if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
