i don't like sucking hair
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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