Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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