I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
