I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
