So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
