i think my tv is drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
