I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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