YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
