oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
