He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
