Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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