Well apparently he's into motor boating.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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