They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
