i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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