fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
