everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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