We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
