My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
