THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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