He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His hands were made for my vagina.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
