really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
