look no pants
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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