Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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