please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
