I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
