So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
