i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
