Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
