its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
