She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
