Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
