my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Bring me that man meat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
