Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
