I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
