the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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