They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
