She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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