I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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