The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
