Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
