Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
