It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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