I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
