God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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