So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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