When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
