thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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