Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He passed out mid-signature
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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