Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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