I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
