my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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