sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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