my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
