Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
